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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their friendship?